Children Thrive When Teachers and Parents Act Like Allies

This story was published by a Voices of Change fellow. Learn more about the fellowship here.

It was the first week of school. I was scrolling one evening when a post stopped me cold. A parent of a kindergarten student was frustrated that she had emailed her child’s teacher four times and received only one reply. I braced for the familiar pile-on. Instead, something different happened. Parents flooded the comments, not with outrage, but with perspective. They asked why so many emails were needed so soon. They named the first week chaos: tears, shoe-tying, bathroom routines, learning names, building trust. A few even laughed about inboxes that refill as fast as they empty.

The tone was kind. The message was simple. We see what teachers carry.

This made me think: Most families are already on our side. When we educators notice it and invite their partnership, classrooms get better for everyone.

Seeing the Parent — and the Student, Too

We repeat a tired script about families. No one comes to PTA. No one returns calls. Parents only reach out when a child is failing.

That has not been my experience. I have taught across the Southeast, often in schools where money is tight and time is tighter. Over and over, when I call, parents step in. They correct disrespect. They ask how to help. They want what I want: a safe, focused room where their child can learn.

Support does not always look like bake sales or midday volunteering. It looks like a 9 p.m. group chat that shuts down a rumor and steers folks back to facts. It looks like an email that says, “I know your day is full. Please reply when you can.” It looks like translating for another family, sending a box of pencils in November or choosing a calm tone when frustration is high. These quiet moves change the air.

Some families are still learning how to support students at home. Some parents are juggling two jobs. Some did not have strong models of school growing up and worry about getting it wrong for their own kids. If you have ever helped a child with homework and felt your patience evaporate, you know how fast love can collide with frustration. When we say it takes a village, we are telling the truth. Educators are part of that village, and so are families. Our job is not only to see the child. Often our job is to see the parents, too.

Seeing the parent means dropping the opponent mindset and noticing where they already stand with us. They may not be in the building every day, and many cannot be. But they are online, commenting under those wild school videos, saying, “That is not OK.” They tell their own children to listen and learn. They remind others that teachers are people. They use their voices in spaces where opinions form and decisions are shaped. If we meet them as allies, we will find they were next to us all along.

When we recognize parents as part of the community, it shifts the atmosphere for children, too. Kids pick up on whether the adults in their world are working together or at odds. When they sense unity, they feel safer, more grounded, and more willing to take the risks that real learning requires.

In my classroom, that has always meant weaving families into the fabric of the school, not as occasional guests but as constant partners. When parents feel seen, children feel seen. When families know they are welcome, students know they belong. That sense of connection allows children to recover from mistakes, trust the learning process, and grow.

A child who knows their parent and teacher are on the same side can settle in, focus, and thrive. Effective learning rests on that foundation of trust and shared care.

Make Partnership Easy

There is one call that keeps me grounded when the work is heavy. Early in the year, I phoned a mother to introduce myself as her child’s new teacher. A few months later, I called again. I started with a glow, then shared that her son had used profanity in class. She cut in.

“Is he with you right now?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Put him on the phone.”

I stepped into the hallway and listened as she gave him a firm talking-to. When he returned the phone, she said, “You ain’t gon’ have no more problems, Ms. Jackson. If you do, call me.”

I do not endorse the words she used with him, and yes, I would love to see her at PTA. I also knew what she gave me and her child at that moment: clarity and support. She used the tools she had to back me up and set a line.

The kind comments on a messy social media thread. The patient emails. The extra pencils in November. The hallway phone call that changed a child’s week. These are not isolated kindnesses. They are signs of a truer story.

Parents are not the enemy of teachers. Most are our allies — sometimes loud, sometimes quiet, always human. When we meet them where they already are and make it easy to stand with us, everybody in the room wins.